Food Fight! Battle: Flavored Milk

By Rob Hoffmann

I’ve always been a little surprised by how different flavors of milk you can find these days. Growing up, the only options I really knew of were either regular or chocolate (I thought strawberry syrup was just for ice cream). These days, however, you can find at least a half dozen different flavors. But are they any good?

Hmm. I should have made little gladiator outfits for them...

Regular Milk – I thought it would only be fair to start off with a control group – regular 2% milk. I like milk. I don’t drink enough of it, but I always enjoy having a glass, except for the fact I’m mildly lactose intolerant. Thankfully there is Lactaid or I wouldn’t be doing this entry at all. Not a whole lot to say about regular milk. It would get a higher grade if it weren’t for the spoiling thing and the intestinal distress it causes me. A

Chocolate Milk – I have a brother who is addicted to chocolate milk – to the point where he has a Nestle Quik Bunny tattooed on his person. I have no doubt in my mind that, given a hostage situation, he would sell me out for a large glass of chocolate milk. I like the stuff, but can only take it in moderation, whereas I can drink regular milk almost anytime. My brother may disown me for this, but Chocolate milk gets a B+.

Vanilla Milk – Have you tried vanilla milk yet? I’ve only really just started seeing it in the stores and I think it may have taken the place of banana milk (more on that in a minute). Vanilla milk tastes like slightly toasted marshmallows. Toasted marshmallows are great and all – I just don’t think I want to drink them. Not horrible, but not great. C

Strawberry Milk – I would always see the bottle of strawberry syrup on the shelf next to the chocolate stuff, but I didn’t actually try it until you could buy ready-made strawberry milk at the store. I have mixed feelings for strawberry milk. It’s way too sweet and tastes nothing like strawberries. It does, however, taste like a concentrated form of milk left over from a bowl of Crunch Berries, and that’s pretty cool. B

Banana Milk – I drove around for two hours today trying to find a place that sells banana milk and couldn’t find it anywhere. I’ve had it before, but I thought it would only be fair to give it a fresh chance. If I remember correctly, it tasted like banana flavored Runts candies, and I didn’t like it very much because it was kinda gross. Also, I drove around for two hours today trying to find it. D

Cookies and Cream Milk – I know this exists, having recently seen it while at a dairy industry workshop for my real life job. I should have tried it when I had the chance, but that was before I came up with the idea of doing this. I have no doubt that it will be too sweet and a horrible combination of chocolate and vanilla, but since I haven’t tried it, it gets a stay of execution… for now.

Just a quick note – As you could tell from the picture up top, I only used Prairie Farms milk products for this battle because they offered the widest variety and they were on sale. I could have used Nestle Quik, but the only flavors I could find were chocolate and double chocolate, which is just silly. A quick Google search also revealed that there are other flavors out there – mostly in foreign markets – such as melon and blueberry flavored. If I can find these flavors locally, there may be a round two.
—
Have a suggestion for a Food Fight battle? Let me know at pandoraslunchboxblog@gmail.com or by sounding off in the comments!